Easter has what to do with Jesus??

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Every year I get so dam confused as to what, if anything, is the relation between Easter and Jesus. Finally, I asked my Christian friend about Easter. I told him, “I don’ understand what the bunny, Easter eggs and chocolate have to do with Jesus.” He said, “Well, it’s a reminder of him dying for our sins.” So now I’m thinking did he resurrect and was like, “My people, I have died for your sins and have resurrected from the dead… Now where did I hide those dam eggs??”

While we’re on the subject? Where’s happy Jesus?

Every time you see him he’s in the worst moment of his entire life. I’m tired of on the cross Jesus, of died for your sins Jesus, even in the last supper he’s all depressed, where’s softball Jesus?? Just having a good time with the guys, floating to first base, turning water into Gatorade, playing mind games with the other team, “you could steal second base but that would be a sin.”

You’ve probably realized by now that I’m not a big church guy. Not that I have anything against religion, I just never went growing up. However, my lady friend recently took me with the hope of somehow enlightening me.

It just freaked me out.

The thing that scares me at this particular church is that they’re always talking about death and how wonderful the afterlife is. This beautiful eternity in heaven. Eternity?

ETERNITY?

That’s forever. At some point you’re going to get bored. The first thousand years might be amazing, but at some point you’re going to run out of stuff to watch on Netflix.